23 years old and still getting a grasp on growing up

I had my 23rd birthday yesterday and let me tell you, I'm FULL of credibility now. 21 was exciting, huge celebration, drinks without a fake ID, but still your known as the "21 year old." 21 is full of comments like "OHHHH your 21 now" - annoying. 22 was a good year, it really was, I had more of a handle on things. But as a 23 year old I have credibility. Credibility of what? No clue, but I feel it.

I just got back from my family trip to Florida and it was AMAZING. There is so much to say about it but I will do you a favor and just highlight a few great things.

1. Got my first Lakers Jersey.
2. Hogwarts theme park converted me into a full blown fan/nerd.
3. Found two apartments that are completely affordable for when we are ready to move.
4. Saw the beach for the first time (that I can remember).
5. Turned my resume into a big wig at Disney ESPN Sports Complex and I'm awaiting a call.
6. Was reassured yet again that I have an AMAZING family that I wouldn't trade for the world.

As for a summary: the trip went great I got to see and do a lot of things that gave me a feel for the city that I want to live in. I love it down there and although I spent a lot of time thinking about how much I'm going to miss my family and friends I know this is a move I need to make. Mike and I have decided to shoot for January or February as a move date. This isn't in stone yet but It's defiantly something we are going to shoot for.

If you are a follower you read the story about my best friend finding her biological Dad. If you haven't read it. Do it. Anyways this relationship has blossomed into a full fledged relationship. I have to reiterate how happy I am for her. I literally haven't seen my best friend this happy and this hopefully, ever. This situation has truly been a blessing and I certainly have learned a lot myself from the situation. Congrats again :)

One Door Closes So Another Can Open

I'm not entirely sure what miracles look like and I'm also not entirely sure I have witnessed a miracle but I do know one thing is for sure, God has been very prevalent in my best friend, Angela's, life.
As a disclaimer I would like to say that the story I am about to tell is through MY eyes. In no way, shape, or form did she have anything to do with the views I am about to express.
If I could choose one word to describe Angela (which is hard because I can think of about a dozen words that would easily describe her) but, if I could choose JUST ONE it would be STRONG. Now, let me explain myself. I have known Angela for about three years now and thankfully has got to see many different sides of her. I have got to see a very strong personality, a strong sense of right and wrong, I've seen her be very strong willed along with having very strong or firm opinions. I have seen Angela stand strong in her beliefs about motherhood and raising her daughter but most obvious to me is I have seen Angela remain very strong in her emotions.
Angela is a rock. A rock that if you try to budge, you will struggle. She has a foundation beneath her that many events in her life have contributed to.
Such events like never having a true Father figure. Men have literally jumped in and out of her life since before she was even born. Angela, in turn, has grown to be a very independent person with out them.
We have often found ourselves making jokes out of situations like what her last name would of been had she of had a Father. Jokes that mask a greater issue.
It wasn't until about, well, not even a year ago that Angela asked me to help her in the search for her Dad. Talk about jumping through hoops. She landed on a website where she thought she had found a match. With a big thanks to her Mom who provided us with any information about him that she could remember, or wanted to remember, we were able to piece some parts of her past back together.
After e-mailing who she thought was her Father and not receiving an e-mail back we obtained an address and decided we were Colorado bound to find him.

"Are you ready for this?" I asked Angela, "umm no Jacki, how does someone get 'ready' for this," she said.

And she was exactly right. How in Gods name does someone get ready to meet someone who essentially wanted nothing to do with them when they were born, and here she is going to knock on a door only to hope it doesn't close and soon as it opens.
After several knocks, the wrong door, and close to 50 phone calls to places he used to work, WE FOUND HIS HOUSE. I can only speak for myself when I say I was near a panic attack walking up to his door. I literally could hardly put together words and my teeth were chattering as if I was the one who was possibly going to meet my biological father. As for Angela, I'm almost positive she was about to faint.
After knocking on his door, no one answered. We decided to talk to a neighbor two doors down because we NEEDED to hear something positive, we needed some positive reassurance that it was his door. The neighbor then informed us that her Dad had moved because of work. Although that news was disappointing in some respects his neighbor confirmed all the information we had found online, not only that, he had a way to get a hold of him as well. Just to put things into perspective for you we are standing in front of a stranger explaining why were are trying to find him, I'm bawling hysterically and Angela is standing there, shell shocked, nervous laughing, STRONG.
After calling more King Soopers (his place of employment) and even trying his cell phone number, we were back to a waiting game after figuring out he was on vacation for another couple of days.
One would think that after waiting close to 23 years, a couple of days wouldn't be hard at all. The anticipation on Angela's face is one I will NEVER forget. The way she checked her phone, very hopefully every time it sounded is one I will NEVER forget.
This moment would make or break her though. She didn't expect much from him but we both knew what she needed was a positive experience from this, a glimpse of hope.
Finally she received the phone call that would change her life forever. A biological Father that was full of sorry's and open arms. A man whom she had longed to know that was ready to mend any heartache he had caused in the last 23 years. A man who, well lets face it, stepped up and became a MAN in Angela's life.
As they exchanged stories and information about each others lives I saw a face of doubt turn into a smile that I haven't seen in the three years I have known her.
I think it is safe to say we all know someone who has to jump through hoops from the second they open their eyes to the second the close their eyes. Nothing goes right, and life always resorts to fixing problems and taking the long route. Although, finding him was like jumping through rings of fire, FINALLY something is paying off. Finally all the hard work ended in a relationship that she has subconsciously longed for.

"What do I wear to meet my Dad??? Most kids are naked the first time their Dad sees them but I don't think that would be appropriate" she said.

I couldn't be happier for Angela. I cannot thank God enough for placing so much courage and strength in her. It takes one hell of a person to be a full time student, full time single Mother, and work full time but it takes a STRONG person to have the courage to step into someones life who once stepped out.

I love you Angela, and congratulations you deserve it.

You know your an adult when...

You know your an adult when: YOU GRADUATE .. and get a credit card where the bill doesn't go to your parents BOTH of which I have done.

Since I have graduated life has been hectic, YET, calm. I have put in minimal effort to find a career, which has been nice. I do have a part time job making full time money I just have no desire AS of now to find a REAL job. I'm not entirely sure if it is because I'm scared to, or if it is because I am making a lot of fast easy money where I am (server, not stripper) or if it is because I don't want to get stuck here which would hold me back from my plans to move to Orlando in about a year or so.
Slowly, very slowly, I have found myself changing from a dependent person to an independent person. If you were to ask my friends or the people who know me best they would probably say I am a very INdependent person. If you were to look at my parents bank statements you would see I am or WAS a DEpendent person. I have been shifting into a more finically independent person. FOR EXAMPLE: I just went on a trip and where my dad would of thrown me a twenty and said don't spend it all in one place I got a hug and a have fun! What I'm trying to say is I applied for a credit card, got approved and my limit is 5,000 dollars!! Let's hope my parents have instilled in me the meaning of living with in your means! :)
I would have to say though, this whole grown up thing feels great! Not registering for classes, putting my back pack up, making my own decisions, overwhelming but AMAZING.
In a month from yesterday I will find myself in the sunshine state of Florida. As you have read ( I hope ) in my previous posts you saw that I am going to Orlando with my family for a wedding. For me and my boyfriend this trip will serve as a duel purpose trip. We will be looking for apartments while we are down there so hopefully we can pack up and move in a year. I find myself pretty anxious at times when I think about this. I have never been one who was scared to fail, I just get up, brush off and go at it 10 times harder. But now, I find myself being scared to fail, scared of rejection, just plain scared. There are so many things to figure out and worry about when it comes to moving half way across the united states to HOPEFULLY start a career. Non the less I am ready for whatever God has in store for me. If that means I fail 5 times, learn some lessons then finally be able to stand alone, than so be it. If it is his will that I get the first job I apply for then THANK YOU GOD...literally.
As for some other tid bits going on in my life my family and I, plus our boyfriends are par taking in THE BIGGEST LOSER - put on by ME, the family event coordinator (or at least I feel like that's my title). We are all have our own approach on how to loose weight but I'm happy to say we are all doing pretty well. Although I find myself starting to loose motivation Mike (my boyfriend) keeps me on my toes.

That is all I have for now, on growing up, or a lack there of :)
For my readers sorry it took so long to write, we FINALLY got wireless at my parents house so I will be writing more frequently!

Is it wrong to celebrate Osama's death?

I found myself in a rather heated debate last night about the Death of Osama. The debate started as a facebook status that I posted about people coming out of the wood works about being team Obama and team support war but when nothing is going our way no one even says a thing about the soldiers that fall daily. I was unable to get my point across as I wanted to because of how congested and defensive the post got so fast. I was happy to have been shown this article by NPR that helped put my thoughts, ideas, and opinions in to a well thought out and written article.

Impromptu celebrations erupted near the White House in Washington and ground zero in New York when news of Osama bin Laden's death was reported and tweeted.
Laura Cunningham, a 22-year-old Manhattan reveler — gripping a Budweiser in her hand and sitting atop the shoulders of a friend — was part of the crowd at ground zero in the wee hours Monday. As people around her chanted "U-S-A," Cunningham was struck by the emotional response. She told New York Observer: "It's weird to celebrate someone's death. It's not exactly what we're here to celebrate, but it's wonderful that people are happy."
Those mixed feelings get at the heart of the moral ambivalence of the moment: Of course there is relief that an evil mastermind cannot commit acts of terror in the future. But is it ever a good idea — from a spiritual or philosophical standpoint — to celebrate with beer and good cheer over the death of anyone, even a widely acknowledged monster?
Not 'Our Finest Moment'
The Roman Catholic Church responded to the news of bin Laden's death with this statement: "Faced with the death of a man, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibility of everyone before God and man, and hopes and pledges that every event is not an opportunity for a further growth of hatred, but of peace."
"I think that's on the mark," says Mike Hayes, a campus minister at the University at Buffalo. "As a Catholic Christian, I cannot celebrate the death of anyone, especially when it is done violently. Naturally, my human nature fights against that idealism, especially when I think of those who I lost personally that day and all those who lost their life on 11 September."
However, adds Hayes, who runs the googling God blog for young adults, "I don't think that the celebrations in the streets were our finest moment as Americans, and reminded me much of the anger I felt at seeing Afghans dancing in the streets at the fall of the Towers on that dreaded day."
Hayes says: "We are called to forgiveness. And that is the only way that we can be truly free. Holding onto our hatred keeps us in slavery to bin Laden's madness and gives the terrorists continued power over us."
There is also a sense of false elation, he adds, "because many believe that the world is a safer place because of this death. That relief is probably misguided."

Is Rejoicing Morally Justified?
Still, some Americans are wrestling with the rightness and wrongness of the party-like responses. A popular status update on Facebook today is a quote attributed to Mark Twain: "I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure."
On a practical level, some people are concerned that such public displays of elation — similar to those following a sports victory or a political election — will create more animosity and even greater danger. "This closes a chapter, but the most sobering aspect of this is that this is not the end," Jack Cloonan, a former FBI special agent, told The Huffington Post. "The reasons they hate us have not subsided, and this could reinvigorate things."
And the question remains: Is there moral philosophical justification for rejoicing over the demise of someone like bin Laden?
"Most people believe that the killing we do in war is justified as the only way to disable an enemy whose cause we believe to be unjust," says Christine Korsgaard, a philosophy professor at Harvard University. "And although it is more controversial, many people believe, or at least feel, that those who kill deserve to die as retribution for their crimes.
"But if we confuse the desire to defeat an enemy with the desire for retribution against a criminal, we risk forming attitudes that are unjustified and ugly — the attitude that our enemy's death is not merely a means to disabling him, but is in itself a kind of a victory for us, or perhaps even the attitude that our enemy deserves death because he is our enemy."
It is important, Korsgaard says, "not to confuse the desire for retribution with the desire to defeat an enemy. But because terrorism partakes of both crime and war, it is perfectly natural, and perhaps legitimate, to have both of these attitudes towards Osama bin Laden: to think that we had to disable him, and to think that he deserved to die."
The two sentiments should be kept apart, she says. "If we have any feeling of victory or triumph in the case, it should be because we have succeeded in disabling him — not because he is dead."

It was nice to see so much love and support shown for our nation through this rather heated debate. Although it was hard for anyone to see eye to eye I think this article gives my point of view a little more clarity.

Matthew 6:31-34

Matthew 6:31-34

“Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:31-34)

Can I get a AMEN?? What an awesome verse to stumble upon during such a stressful time of the year!

Lately I have been stumbling upon a lot of things that I am sure are happening for a reason. I feel like every day I am encountering, reading, seeing, attending or hearing something that needs to be implanted in me to make me a stronger person, and stronger christian. I have a question, it gets answered. I have a fear, it is relieved.

For instance the book I just got done reading "Heaven is for real" written  in Todd Burpo's first-person Narrative. A true story about a 4 year old boy who gets really sick and tells his story about meeting Jesus. 

I was told to read the book because it was really good and "life changing." Seeing as how I'm so busy it was put on my, things I might get to, list. I went home for the weekend and my Mom goes "guess what book I just got done reading?" Being a little bit sarcastic I blurted out "Heaven is for real?" my Mom goes, "HOW DID YOU KNOW? It was funny. Anyhow she read the book, said what everyone says, It is life changing, and bought me a copy. I literally read it in 3 hours during work (woops) and can say the same as everyone else, IT WAS LIFE CHANGING.

You only get out what you put in and I was ready to be pushed over the edge in my faith. Questions were answered in that book, that I needed to hear. I challenge you. Believer, lost in your faith, or not at all, to read it. I guarantee you will get SOMETHING out of it.

Before I go, I will leave you with another amazing verse I heard this weekend. 

Romans 8:9-14

"But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, won't know what we're talking about. But for you who welcome him, in whom he dwells - even though you still experience all the limitations of sin - you yourself experience life on God's terms. It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's! So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!

Keeping up, and no, not with the kardashians.

Lately I feel like I have just been trying to keep up. I'm not trying to take on the world by any means I'm just trying to keep up with it. I literally have 28 some odd days until my world changes, forever. Maybe I'm being dramatic. Anyways, 28 days until I move out of Kearney Nebraska, 28 days until I'm considered an 'adult' (whatever that means), 28 days until I'm expected to have a career. 28 DAYS UNTIL EVERYONE I KNOW WILL ASK ME "SO WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS NOW." All of this, assuming I will actually graduate. I still have 4 classes to pass which include designing a website! I think you will all be happy to know though, that I'm right on track. 

I recently got in contact with my high school volleyball coach for a number of reasons. Following my rule of thumb of its not what you know it's who you know I asked her if their were any openings at the high school for coaching volleyball. This was my attempts my secure a job so I wouldn't be jobless right out of college. She told me there MIGHT be an opening as the assistant varsity volleyball coach. NOW, I didn't go to college for 5 years to become a coach but I still have and probably always will have a passion for coaching. This would be an awesome opportunity for me in my transition from college to ADULTHOOD. I would still like to look into finding a part time job in my field so I can stay in touch with everything I've learned in the last 5 years but, I still think this will be an awesome opportunity, a great learning experience and one more thing I can put on my resume that will show I have leadership skills. 

As for other, not so serious topics, my family + all of our boyfriends are going to be taking a family trip to Orlando this summer and I'm SO excited about it. Being the planner I am, the planner my Mother instilled in me, I made a list of all of our expenses all the way from flight to fun. Mostly to try and budget for myself but also to try and get this trip locked in. Apart from the main reason for going to Orlando, a wedding, we are going to go to universal, sea world, visit the beach and my boyfriend and I are going to take a look at some apartments. That reminds me, I need to make a list of apartments to visit, then call and make appointments to look at them. Anyways, that will be exciting for us. If you don't know we want to get out of Nebraska, IMMEDIATELY. Aside from the unemployment rate in Florida being SO high we think Orlando would be a nice place to reside for a couple years. I kind of brought Orlando to the table because it is close to some of my family who I want to get to know better. This trip to Orlando will be a make or break situation. We will really be able to see if it is a place for us or if we need to continue our search for a place to live. It will be important that we will both be able to find a place to work where we can be happy for at least a couple years.

That is all I have for now. I just got done reading a book the other day. Life Changing. I'll be blogging about it soon. STAY TUNED

Peace and Blessings.... Peace and Blessings.

Don't mind the new look

Don't mind the new template, I liked it, thought it was calming and relaxing. Not to be confused with sad and depressing, that's not what I was going for. 

If I thought it was bad then, it has gotten worse. SENIORITIS. I swear spring break, well for me at least, is responsible for one thing, and one thing only - making me skip all my classes today. And of course the terrible cold I have had for about 3 days now had something to do with it. Honest, I didn't feel good at all and especially not at 7am when my alarm went off. Could I have made it to class, yes. Did spring break increase my symptoms of senioritis, 100% (see previous post for definition of senioritis, particularly the part about wearing sweat pants, ALL the time). 

I will say since senioritis has hit me so hard this year, and thanks to my lack of cable and internet I have taken on a whole new hobbie. Watching what seems to be every TV series known to man. So far I have completed, am up to date, or in the middle somewhere of One Tree Hill, Dexter, OC, Nip Tuck and Weeds. I would LIKE to start watching Six Feet Under just because the lead in Dexter, Michael C. Hall, plays a character who is gay so that has got to be interesting. Nurse Jackie, because she has my name. And Californication, no clue why.

By the sounds of it you would think I have a whole lot of time on my hands to sit around and watch all these series along with Teen Mom and Jersey shore, just to name a few. But, they keep me grounded. Reality TV along with TV series are my vice. I don't smoke cigarettes for God's sake I need something to keep me sane. Plus, these shows let me live vicariously through drug dealers, doctors, sluts, and musicians. Its a nice change of pace from tan expert senior soon to be jobless and essentially homeless. :)

Before I go, if anyone out there in the blog world has been watching Dexter and would like to gossip with me over what happened at the end of season 4. Please do. Still in shock. 

Peace and Blessings.... Peace and Blessings!

It's been far to long...

It's been a while since I have blogged. My apologies. I will have to say its all my roommates fault. I temporarily moved out and while I was gone they got rid of cable AND internet, sinners, I know. Anyways it has made it difficult for me to write when I have a brilliant thought or idea. I have to wait until I go to the library and by that time the thought has already came and went.

I would first like to pick a bone with the song called "The lazy song". If you haven't heard it (which I'm sure you have) stop now, go listen to it then come back. For those of you who have heard it, here is a quick recap. Slow, happy go lucky, great tune, Bruno Mars kind song. Some of the lyrics go like this...

Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

I'm gonna kick my feet up then stare at the fan
Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants
Nobody's gon' tell me I can't.

EVERY TIME I hear this song I just want to scream. Why? Because you know what BRUNO MARS of course you want to be lazy, because you can afford to be lazy. You can afford to kick your feet up, sit around in your snuggie, and throw your hands in your pants (weird). But people like me (whom I would like to think is the majority of your listeners) CAN'T. While I'm sitting at :::high pitched fake voice::: Splurge Boutique and Tanning, cleaning sweaty tanning beds your sitting around doing nothing, and making money doing it. The second I don't feel like picking up my phone, I have 12 people pissed at me and my mom has a search party after me because "I was scared something happened to you".  Maybe I heard the song on a bad day. Oh well.

None the less it is getting closer to graduation and reality is slapping me around, but it is a good thing. I have been brainstorming about where I want to get a job when I graduate if I want to get a career or maybe an internship or maybe a job that has nothing to do with my field. I of course have different ideas than my Mother would like me to have but as of now I am looking into working at Cox Communications or for a DJ company along with a part time job for extra cash. When I think of getting a career in Omaha I think of getting stuck and Omaha is the last place I want to reside for more than a year. I need to find something that with offer me stable income, looks good on a resume, but is not forever. Suggestions please!

I think it is safe to say I have this senioritis thing down to a T, as for this adulthood thing, I'm still working on it. Every day I have to make decisions, every day I learn a little more about who I want to be and who I am becoming. It truly is amazing.

As for a few random updates I get off diversion on May 1st (FINALLY) and I am doing better with my facebook with draws! It will be the first thing I do Easter Sunday, don't get me wrong BUT it has gotten a lot easier since the first couple weeks. Try it sometime. Give up facebook for a day or two, you will see how many times you are tempted to update your status. 

I will make it a point to get to the library more often to write! Talk to you soon :)

Graduation update!

I was given the opportunity to retake this test that was holding my diploma over my head and... I PASSED IT!

Graduation, as of now, is still in my future.

As for now I need to stay focused, stay tuned for more posts! 

5 years comes down to this...

I'm one of those people that claim they are a terrible test taker. Whether that is my excuse to lack of effort or if I am truly a terrible test taker is besides the point.
My entire college career has come down to one basket, a very breakable basket, and four very breakable eggs. What I'm trying to say is all my eggs are in one basket and that basket just broke.
I am in an international marketing class where the 'rule' is if you don't score a certain percentage on the tests the professor has the right to drop you from the class (how he has that right is beyond me) but from the beginning of the class he has been trying to spend my money for me (long story). Well I of course didn't score the acceptable score on the test to stay in the class.

......................


Now that you have had a little time to process what I just wrote and was able to re read this ridiculousness I will say that I am SCREWED.

CAUTION: ABUNDANCE OF BITCHING BELOW:

How has my entire college career 5 YEARS OF COLLEGE EDUCATION come down to this one test. Since when did a letter or a percentage define who I am as a student? Wait, it has my whole life. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it their job to teach me, to educate me, to help me obtain the information, to better prepare me to find a job in the real world? Isn't a professors job to teach me not punish me. I get it, I'm almost 23 years old and by this point in my career I should have developed a test taking strategy that works for me and shouldn't have a teacher holding my hand and babysitting me through theses tests. But God's sake just because I didn't understand it the way YOU taught it doesn't mean I'm not capable of learning the information.

IF YOU STOPPED READING CONTINUE HERE:

In short I just want the tools to succeed and not my diploma being dangled over my head. I bet your wondering what I'm going to do now huh? Good question! Suggestions below please.

PS: day two of no facebook and I've officially diagnosed myself as an addict